


Conker the Squirrel Becomes the Manager of Hotel Delfino in Super Mario Sunshine

by GlitterNyappyGacktRose



Series: Conker the Squirrel Crashing Other People's Games [3]
Category: Conker's Bad Fur Day, Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Sunshine
Genre: Gen, Nintendo - Freeform, Rare (Game company)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21815941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterNyappyGacktRose/pseuds/GlitterNyappyGacktRose
Summary: Conker has wandered into the world of Super Mario Sunshine. Now, he's the manager of Hotel Delfino! What could possibly go wrong?
Series: Conker the Squirrel Crashing Other People's Games [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1567105





	1. Chapter 1

_Well, here I am! Conker the Manager… Manager of all the hotels in Delfino Plaza. Which is just one hotel. But still, that’s impressive! Who’d a thought about that? But how did I come to this, you say? And who are all these strange shouting people outside of my office? That you also say! Come closer and I’ll tell you. It all started… yesterday. And what a day that was! It’s what I call… a bad fur day!_

*

“Hi Berri, it’s me, Conker,” said Conker the Squirrel drunkenly, leaning against the payphone in the bar. I’m gonna be a bit late. The guys here are off to fight some war somewhere. So anyway… See you! Love you! …I think she bought it.”

“Put the phone down, Conker,” laughed Banjo merrily from the table.

“Oh, right. Whose round is it?”

“Yours!”

“What, again? Okay… can somebody lend me a fiver?”

Eventually, Conker decided to call it a night. Once again, his wallet was empty and his stomach full of beer. He stumbled out of the bar before anyone else could convince him that it was his round again. He wanted nothing more but to go home and crawl into bed.

“Now, which way was home again? This way, I think…”

Perhaps it was a combination of Conker’s drunken state and his poor visibility due to the rain. Or perhaps it was just bad luck. Or perhaps a goose had undone his shoelaces. But Conker tripped and fell, landing face-first into the river. It really was going to be one of those days.

*

When Conker came to, he was lying on a breath-taking tropical beach at sunset. Although it was a beautiful evening, he found it difficult to appreciate it due to his pounding headache.

“Hey, are you ok?”

Conker slowly opened his eyes, before rubbing them in disbelief. Standing in front of him was some sort of blue creature with a huge nose, a grass skirt and what looked like a tiny tree growing out of his head.

“Man, was I indulging in Mario’s mushrooms again?” asked Conker, blinking furiously. “I thought I was just drinking-"

“Mario?” repeated the strange blue creature, a flash of anger of his face. “Isn’t he the one that has been destroying out beautiful island? Yeah, he’s in the hotel over there, cleaning up all the mess he made…”

“Hotel?” repeated Conker. And sure enough, there it was. A giant, luxurious-looking hotel towered above him, set against the stunning sunset. Although Conker hadn’t been able to afford to stay in such places since his Diddy Kong Racing days, he knew the type of people that these places attracted: rich old ladies who drank during the day and had too much money to spend. Perhaps he could charm one and earn a little bit of cash for his empty wallet. Yes… perhaps the cash here wouldn’t insult him as he picked it up…

Conker gingerly got to his feet, dusted the sand from his clothes and began to make his way towards the hotel. He could have sworn he heard a shout or two being carried by the gentle tropical breeze. However, the closer he got to the hotel, the louder the angry voices became. Without warning, one of the strange tree people crashed into Conker, causing him to fall on his butt.

“My dear apologies,” began the tree-man, sounding stressed. “I just can’t deal with these complaints anymore. Just because I’m the manager of this hotel doesn’t mean I have all the answers. Besides, with all the recent graffiti on the island, we haven’t been making enough to cover expenses recently. How can I deal with all these expenses if there’s no money-“

“I have money,” cut across Conker, crossing his fingers behind his back. “And I’d be willing to cover all these costs. But only if you’ll play a game of poker with me. There’s a catch though: if you lose, your hotel belongs to me.

The tree-man’s eyes widened with shock. But in the end, his desperation shone through and he gave a reluctant nod. Conker had to turn away to hide the dollar signs that appeared in his eyes.

*

The rules were simple: it was an all or nothing game of poker. Winner took all. With a gulp, Conker glanced at his hand. Not good. There was no way he was going to win with a hand like this. Time for plan B.

“I don’t believe it!” exclaimed Conker loudly. “Do my eyes deceive me? Is that a real-life dinosaur?”

His plan worked. The hotel manager and the few onlookers they’d attracted all looked away for a few seconds. That’s all the time Conker needed. In a flash, the four aces he’d been hiding up his sleeve were in his hand, and four useless cards from his hand were tucked into his shoe.

“Ah, my apologies,” said Conker, just as everyone turned back to look at him. “It was just a pineapple. Sorry, not used to all this exotic fruit. Anyway, what you got?”

“Straight,” replied the manager, laying down his cards with a look of confidence.

“Four aces!” yelled Conker, jumping up on the table. “Now, someone fetch me a martini! This hotel is mine!”

The hotel manager broke down into tears. But Conker didn’t notice. He was too busy dancing on the table, his freshly made martini in his hand. It was only when he felt someone tap on his leg did he stop dancing. There stood none other than Mario, a look of disgust on his face.

“I saw what you did, Conker,” he hissed. “I can’t believe you! You need to come clean now, or I’ll-"

“Ah, Mario!” interrupted Conker, pulling him away from the crowd so that no-one could hear them. “I’m so glad to see you! You won’t believe this, but someone tried to flush a Yoshi egg down the toilet, and it got stuck-“

“A Yoshi egg?” repeated Mario. That’s all he needed to hear. Without hesitating, Mario sprinted towards the bathroom. As soon as he was inside the cubicle. Conker slammed the door shut behind him. He pulled over several tables and chairs, anything to ensure that Mario wouldn’t be getting out anytime soon.

“Now, that covers that!” beamed Conker, dusting his hands off. “Huh, I wonder where my office is…”

*

_And there you have it. That’s how I became the manager of this hotel. Pretty cool, right? I barely had to do anything and now I can just sit back and rela-_

_“Why is there a ghost in my room?!?”_

_A ghost? Woah, I thought this was Mario Sunshine, not Luigi’s Mansion! Anyway, see you in chapter 2!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Wow, who knew that people could be such whingey bastards? “There’s a ghost in my room”. “There’s something in the closet”. “A ghost drank my mojito”. Why can’t they deal with this themselves? Why do they expect me to… ah, I’m the manager, aren’t I? Who knew that his position would come with responsibilities?_

*

“Aaaagh,” grinned Conker, stretching out on a chair by the side of the pool, empty glasses on the table beside him. This really was the life. Being the manager of a hotel was great: he could help himself to anything in the bar, the pool (which he considered to be his “office") was open to him twenty-four seven and he could have as much fun as he wanted in the casino.

It was only after Conker reached for his cocktail did he catch something out of the corner of his eye. Surrounding the pool were countless angry-looking guests and worried staff members.

“Uh, boss, we seem to have a problem,” muttered the staff member closest to him.

“Problem?” repeated Conker in a loud voice, pushing his shades back over his eyes. “How can there be any problems when you have free booze and-"

“When will someone do something about the ghost in my room?” screeched a guest. “If you don’t fix it RIGHT NOW, I’ll take my money elsewhere!”

“Woah, woah, no need to take your money – I mean, yourself elsewhere!” insisted Conker, jumping up from his chair. He let out a sigh and reluctantly followed his guests to their problematic rooms.

The problem with the first room was very apparent. As soon as he stepped inside, he spotted the small white ghost floating around near the ceiling. With an air of confidence, Conker whipped out his frying pan and whacked the ghost. The pan went right through it, leaving a dent in the wall.

“Well, that didn’t work,” announced Conker, much to the annoyance of the occupant of the room. “Right, who’s next?”

Conker was lead into a small single room. At first glance, there seemed to be nothing wrong. But then he spotted it: a tiny purple shell on the floor.

“Right, I’ll remove this shell from the room,” said Conker, putting his hands on it.

“I’m the guest, not the problem!” squealed a tiny voice from inside the shell. Within seconds, tiny little hands and legs appeared from the shell, and finally, a head. Considering that Conker was surrounded by strange creatures with trees coming out of their heads, this shell person didn’t come as too much of a surprise to him. He just smiled as the shell person pointed to the shelf against the wall. With a nod, Conker headed over and pushed. The shelf opened up, revealing a secret passageway into the next room. The red tree person inside let out a screech and began to complain.

“Wow, a peeping tom’s delight!” exclaimed Conker. “I mean… what the hell? Who built this place?”

How the hell was Conker supposed to fix this? If the person who built the place had included such strange features, who was to say that this was the only place for guests to spy on each other? Deciding to put this problem on the long finger, Conker entered the third room. But it was so filled with ghosts that he didn’t even know where to start. He’d had enough.

“No way!” he shouted, pointing into the corner. “Do my eyes deceive me? Is that a bear with a bird in his backpack?”

And when everyone turned to look. Conker slipped out of the room.

*

Naturally, Conker went to drown his sorrows at the bar, this time opting for his usual beer. However, he didn’t go unnoticed, and before long, his table was surrounded by shouting guests.

“Everyone, please, I’m too drunk to deal with this shit!” pleaded Conker. But that just seemed to make them angrier. Conker put his face in his hands. He’d give anything to make all these people disappear. Then, as soon as he wished it, he spotted a familiar red hat amongst the crowd.

“Mario! How did you escape?” asked Conker.

“Please,” retorted Mario snarkily. “I’m a plumber, Conker. You can’t trap me in a bathroom.”

“Fair point, old chap,” replied Conker. Them, remembering the situation, he sank to his knees. “Mario, help me! Please, I’ll do anything!”

“Anything?” repeated Mario, to which Conker nodded.

And that’s how the original owner got his hotel back. Conker spotted him on his hands and knees under a table, picking up a forgotten coin. He was so surprised by Conker’s offer that he banged his head, but happily accepted his hotel back. And in the meantime, Mario headed upstairs to take on the ghosts.

*

_Well, that’s it! That’s the story of how I briefly became the manager of a hotel. I guess I’m not cut out for this responsibility thing. I mean, the words “Conker” and “responsibility” don’t really belong in the same sentence together, do they? Ah well. Less work for me to do. Think I’ll go have another drink…_


End file.
